Nothing Is Real: The Beatles In Science Fiction

Cliff Richard and The Shadows are the biggest rock band in Britain in a world where the Beatles never formed.

I declare that The Beatles are mutants. Prototypes of evolutionary agents sent by God endowed with a mysterious power to create a new human species, a young race of laughing freemen. – Dr. Timothy Leary

Soon, a new Beatles song will be unleashed upon the world and perhaps Dr. Leary’s words will come true. Or perhaps, somewhere in the world, there’s a portal to another dimension where The Beatles broke up in the mid-seventies but still reunited from time to time. What, you were expecting me to imagine a world where they never broke up? Bands have to split up some time.

Now imagine what the world (and music) would be like if The Beatles never formed as seen in the above picture. That scenario was addressed in the 2019 film Yesterday, but I’m not going to include that here, because I want to focus only on books – some of which may be hard to find. By the way, did you know that over 2,000 books have been written about them? And that’s the non-fiction titles. When it comes to science fiction however, the Fab Four aren’t as ubiquitous as their predecessor/rival Elvis. Maybe because they were more down-to-earth (literally and metaphorically). But one sub-genre where The Beatles are popular is Alternate History. So let me introduce to you, a couple of titles that shows us a very different side of the iconic foursome.

Once There Was A Way – Bryce Zabel (2017): Winner of the Sideways Award for best novel, which is really saying something. Writing in a rock journalistic style, the story imagines John, Paul, George and Ringo solving their manager problem, leading them to a deal where they can pursue solo careers but reunite to release Beatle albums and tour occasionally until 1975.

Paul Is Undead: The British Zombie Invasion – Alan Goldsher (2010): John, Paul and George are zombies, Ringo and Yoko are ninjas and Mick Jagger is a zombie hunter. Could this scenario get any stupider? Since they look and act like zombies anyway, wouldn’t it have made more sense to make The Rolling Stones the walking dead and The Beatles the zombie slayers?

The Beatles Come Together Again – Ed David (2020): What if The Beatles were able to reunite because John Lennon didn’t die in 1980? I keep reminding people that Yoko Ono didn’t break up the band – Mark Chapman did.

“Snodgrass” – Ian R. MacLeod (1992): A short story, later collected in the anthology Playhouse Presents. In 1962, John left the group to form another band, while Paul, George, Ringo and a very much alive Stuart Sutcliffe, continue on with modest success. Can you imagine saying “Paul, George, Ringo and Stuart”?

Liverpool Fantasy – Larry Kirwan (2003): The Beatles broke up in 1962 (see above). John and Ringo are making a living as session musicians (occasionally working with fellow Brits Gerry and the Pacemakers). George is a Jesuit Priest. And Paul McCartney is now performing in Las Vegas as Paul Montana, lounge singer. Will a 1987 reunion patch things up?

Catcher’s Keeper – J.D. Spero (2014): A writer named Alden has written a novel about his teenage years. A deranged man becomes obsessed with the book and John Lennon. Alden puts two and two together and realizes he must save John before it’s too late.

Get Back – Donovan Day (2015): While recovering from a brain injury, seventeen-year-old Lenny Funk learns he has the power to travel back in time. He uses that power to save Jim Morrison. Can he also use it to save John Lennon?

The Girl Who Became A Beatle – Greg Taylor (2011): Most sixteen-year-old girls would kill to be in a band. Regina Bloomsbury would kill to keep her band, The Caverns, from breaking up and rising to fame. So she wishes that they were as famous as The Beatles. But you know what they say: be careful what you wish for.

A Day In the Life – L. John Perkins (2005): Paul is Dead. Seriously. And the surviving Beatles need to find a replacement – fast. Enter Billy Shears, who not only replaces and impersonates Paul, he wants to take the band in a new musical direction – for better or worse.

And last, but not least…

“Them Old Hyannis Blues” – Judith Tarr (1992): A short story featured in the anthology Alternate Kennedys. The cover is even a send off of With/Meet The Beatles. Elvis Presley is President of the United States. John Lennon is Secretary of State. And The Kennedy Brothers are a rock band.

I don’t really wanna stop the show, but that’s all the titles that I know. So let me give the floor to you: what fantastic Beatle trips have you taken. Turn off your mind, relax, and leave a comment.

Disney Already Had Their Own “Star Wars”

Perhaps you’ve seen or heard of Defunctland, a YouTube channel that covers the lost history of amusement parks (Disney in particular) and television. I might’ve heard of the channel or seen a blurb or two in passing, but paid no attention as I’m not much of an amusement park person.

But all that changed when I saw this blurb in my recommendations.

Directed by Matthew Serrano, released in August of 2020, Live From The Space Stage: A Halyx Story is about the very brief rise and fall of an “experimental sci-fi band that rocked Disneyland’s space stage for one glorious summer”. Described as Star Wars meets KISS, Halyx’s (pronounced HAY-licks) lineup included a bassist made up as an ursine alien, an amphibious percussionist (and acrobat), and a robot keyboardist all lead by a female singer with a powerful voice.

It’s hilarious (and somewhat painful) to watch this documentary in the aftermath of Disney’s purchase of Lucasfilm, when Disney originally created Halyx to cash in on the success of A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back. Music-wise, Disney had found success with Mickey Mouse Disco, a 1979 album of Disney favorites remixed Disco style. Now as any pop star will tell you, when you have a best selling album, the next step is to go on tour. But by 1981, disco was dead and acts like Van Halen and Billy Joel were on the rise. So the folks at Disneyland Records decided to use the Happiest Place On Earth – Tomorrowland in particular – as a testing ground for a manufactured rock band with a sci-fi theme.

I wont go into detail about the audition or songwriting process – you’ll have to watch the documentary for that – but I will say who got the job. For the coveted role of lead singer, Lora Mumford was chosen out of dozens of women, while Jeanette Clinger and Karen Tobin were hired as backup singers. The role of robot keyboardist went to Lora’s husband, Thom Miller, while bassist Roger Freeland had the task of wearing the “wookie meets panda” costume (which he later dubbed “The Baharnoth”). Dancer and percussionist Tony Coppola played foil to Roger as an amphibian alien called the Waag. And rounding out the band as human drummer and guitarist was Brian Lucas and Bruce Gowdy respectively.

The band gave their first performance on June 20, 1981 and quickly developed a dedicated fanbase, who even went so far as to make their own band merchandise. And this was before Etsy and Teepublic even existed! Then by September 11(how ironic), it was all over. Despite promises of a record deal with Warner Music Group, the project fell through and the band was, well, disbanded. Disney just didn’t believe in Halyx, who were seen as too radical for the white-bread, family friendly studio.

What a missed opportunity. Here was a chance for Disney to create a sci-fi franchise of their own that could rival every major SF IP, if only they were willing to take a chance. I thought of all the merchandising opportunities just from the Baharnoth alone (I’d love to get my hands on a Baharnoth action figure complete with bass guitar). An animated series depicting Halyx as they travel from gig to gig, battling evil aliens and monsters with the power of rock – a la Hannah Montana meets Buzz Lightyear of Star Command. A televised concert. An animated movie. Comic books. The possibilities are endless. And the great thing is Disney can still pull this off in 2023. To quote Matt Carasquillo: “how long will Disney take to realize the value in the hidden gem of a franchise that is Halyx?”

But nope, Disney went the lazy route. They bought other SF IPs and then copied and pasted them as if they were their own. Then continually ignore – or ruin – their own SF titles, be it 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, Atlantis: The Lost Empire, Buzz Lightyear, Tron, John Carter, or…

Captain EO.

Yes, five years after Halyx disbanded, Disney made another attempt at space rock, but with bigger names and more lavish (for the time) production values. Did Halyx pave the way for Captain EO? Possibly. Could Halyx have been successful? Arguably.

Does Halyx deserve a second chance? Absolutely.

“Return of the Jedi” At 40 and “Clone Wars” At 20

Star Warriors, the Force is with us. In 2023, we celebrate two anniversaries: the 40th anniversary of Episode IV: Return of the Jedi (1983), and the 20th anniversary of the Clone Wars (2003) micro-series. I was born a year after ROTJ, so I have no memories of ever seeing it in theaters. In fact when I purchased tickets to watch it at my local theater for a limited run (April 28 – May 4), it was the first time I ever saw any episode of the Original Trilogy on the big screen (no joke) and it was glorious. Movie magic at its finest.

Although I’d seen ROTJ many times throughout my life (it’s my favorite episode of the OT), I still felt excitement as the lights went down and the 20th Century Fox/Lucasfilm fanfare heralded those immortal blue words: “A Long Time Ago In A Galaxy Far, Far Away”. Then I teared up with happiness as the galaxy celebrated freedom from the Empire and Luke witnessed his redeemed father reunite with Obi-Wan and Yoda. Episode 6 will always be a textbook example of how to end a saga on a high note and I’m happy to announce that as of this post, Return of the Jedi has made $7,259,924 in North America alone. What’s even more impressive (and aggravating) is that fans learned about the re-release via word of mouth, as Disney/Lucasfilm never promoted it, not even on Star Wars.com. That proves that no matter how many years have passed, George Lucas’ space epic will never grow stale. And it debunks the myth, that star warriors hate Star Wars, especially ones with Ewoks. In hindsight I wished Lucasfilm had re-released Attack of the Clones, The Phantom Menace and A New Hope back into theaters (they couldn’t do that with The Empire Strikes Back because of the pandemic) for their anniversaries.

Now I wonder if Lucasfilm will re-release Genndy Tartakovsky’s award-winning Clone Wars series in theaters, because that would be wizard. Although the 2003 – 2005 micro-series was made for television, it definitely deserves the big screen treatment. As I pointed out earlier, I wasn’t around for Return of the Jedi, but I definitely remember watching this show on Cartoon Network at the tender age of 19, still high on the excitement of Attack of the Clones and finally getting a glimpse of that enigmatic conflict only touched upon in A New Hope. Sadly, many of my Star Wars loving friends and acquaintances, had no idea such a series existed at the time and had no clue what they were missing. By the time Dave Filoni’s 2008 version of the Clone Wars premiered, the first series faded into obscurity. Sensing a pattern here?

For years, both of these entries in the Skywalker Saga, got no respect. If you’re of a certain age, you may remember a book called The Unauthorized Star Wars Compendium: The Complete Guide To the Movies, Comic Books, Novels and More. It was written by Ted Edwards and released in January of 1999, giving readers a sneak peek at the upcoming Episode 1. It was not endorsed by Lucasfilm and its tone was a precursor of what was to come.

You see it loved to hate on The Special Editions and it had a horrible chapter titled “Fifty Reasons Why Jedi Sucks”, which lists – you guessed it – 50 “reasons” why Return of the Jedi “sucks” and is the worse chapter of the trilogy. It’s disheartening to see such drivel get recommendations from Amazon and The School Library Journal, who think this is an expression of fan love. That’s like telling a little girl that her male bully likes her.

How anybody can call themselves a Star Wars fan and only like 2/6th of a saga is a fraud and a bore. You can never get one intelligent conversation out of those people and I have a feeling Mr. Edwards and his contributors have been banned from many conventions.

Well, it appears that in 2023, that’s going to change. Not only are there goodies celebrating Jedi’s 40th anniversary, there’s also going to be a Clone Wars 20th anniversary toyline.* To contribute to this joyous occasion, I’m going to list, side by side, six great moments from Return of the Jedi and six great moments from Clone Wars. I will only list moments from volume 1 (chapters 1-20) because volume 2 (which covers chapters 21-25) was released in 2005, which will turn 20 in 2025.

1. Luke Saves Han and Mace Takes On An Entire Droid Army

Luke left Tatooine a wide-eyed, naive farmboy. When Luke returns to Tatooine, four years later, audiences can tell just by the way he saunters into Jabba’s palace and uses the Force against two Gamorrean guards, that he’s matured as a jedi and a hero. With the help of the Force, R2D2 and a disguised Lando Calrissian, Luke frees Han, Chewie and Leia from the clutches of the wicked crime lord. It’s no wonder the Emperor wants Luke to become his next apprentice.

Twenty+ years earlier, another jedi, Mace Windu, liberated a Dantooine village from a droid Separatist Army, with the Force and his bare knuckles. There was no doubt in our minds that Mace was awesome – he was a senior member of the Jedi Council after all – but seeing him take out that army single-handedly, proved why he was a senior member.

2. Grievous Takes Out Jedi & Luke and Leia Take Out Scout Troopers

Words cannot describe the visual feast of these two iconic scenes, one heroic, the other ominous. Who didn’t want a speeder bike or at least be able to wield lightsabers with your hands and feet. I’ll never forget the promos for the first season finale, where a voiceover announced a first glimpse at Episode III’s newest villain and when I saw that villain slaughter those jedi, I felt nothing but dread. Dread isn’t a feeling you get when you watch Luke and Leia chase after some scout troopers, but the closest fans ever got to reenacting that scene, was in the 1994 Super Nintendo video game, Super Star Wars: Return of the Jedi. You not only had to outfly the scout troopers and shoot them at the same time – you had to avoid a tree collision and collect points. I had to pass the Endor Chase level when I played Star Wars Trilogy Arcade (1998). I had a hard time shooting and flying simultaneously, so I just stuck to flying.

3. Anakin Vs. Asajj & Luke Vs. Vader

Although she made her debut in the comics, fans first introduction to sith hopeful Asajj Ventress was in chapter six of Clone Wars, where she defeated a troupe of gladiators before Count Dooku. To prove her worth, she lured Anakin onto Yavin 4, where they fought in a tense lightsaber duel in chapter 18, drawing out Anakin’s rage. I’m glad Tartakovsky left Ventress’ fate unknown, so that we’d see more of her in The Clone Wars. Years later Luke finds himself in a situation similar to his father except that a.) he chose to surrender himself for others and b.) he stops himself before he caves in to rage.

4. A Mon Calamari Is A Hero’s Best Friend

Reurn of the Jedi introduced many memorable alien species: the ewoks, the sullustans, the gamorreans and the twi’leks. But the ones that made a big impression on fans were the Mon Calamari, octopodine beings from the planet of the same name, led by Admiral Ackbar. Staunch allies of the Rebellion, they helped orchestrate the attack against the Second Death Star, which was not the first time they fought for freedom.

Chapter 5 of Clone Wars sees a rift in the races of Mon Cala. The Quarren, a race of teuthidane aliens, have sided with the Confederacy of Independent Systems, and the Calamari are loyal to the Republic. This has led to a separatist invasion. To settle matters, the jedi send in Kit Fisto (you may remember him from the Battle of Kamino) to settle the dispute. For the first time, fans got a glimpse of Mon Cala’s aquatic environment and cultures. Plus, the Calamari ride on giant eels!

5. Padme On Illum & Leia In Chains

Much has been said about Leia’s capture and “humiliation” at the hands of Jabba the Hutt. What those people fail to recognize is that the infamous metal bikini was a symbol of Jabba’s misogyny and gave new meaning to the phrase “foisted by his own petard”. Jabba sees females as possessions, exhibits of his wealth and power without any regard to their feelings or worth. When he captures Leia, he sees her as a replacement for his dancing girl, Oola (whom he fed to his rancor), not as an important member of the Rebellion (or an Imperial senator). To see Leia turn the tables on Jabba with the very same chains he used to bind her is cathartic.

Like Leia, Padme has an iconic wardrobe of her own. One ensemble piece was worn on an impromptu mission to the planet Illum, where Master Yoda rescued two jedi trapped in a crystal cave. It consisted of a white jumpsuit similar to the one she wore on Geonosis, but with fur trimmed gloves, boots and a cape. How Padme knows which outfit to wear for each occasion (and where she keeps them) is a riddle for the ages, but that ermine cape sure came in handy when it came to finding chameleon droids.

6. Vader Destroys Palpatine & Obi-Wan Destroys Durge

In the hands of a lesser filmmaker, the ending would have Luke kill Palpatine and Vader. In the hands of a pessimistic filmmaker, Luke would’ve killed Palpatine and ruled with Vader as father and son. But in the hands of Lucas, Vader redeems himself by turning on his master and saving his son. I can’t think of any film before Star Wars that gave its villain a redemption (though I’m sure it’s out there somewhere), but I believe that’s the essential ingredient to the saga’s lasting popularity.

Durge gets no opportunity for redemption in Chapters 4 and 8-9 of Clone Wars because there’s no need for it. First introduced in the comics, Durge was a former bounty hunter hired by the CIS to lead the droid armies into battle. In comics and the cartoon, he often tangled with Obi-Wan until the latter killed him with a bang (literally).

So what are your favorite moments from Jedi and Clones? Did you watch ROTJ in the theaters during its limited run? Did you get that sense of magic watching it on the big screen? Let me know in the comments. In the meantime, here are some images from a galaxy far, far away.

*Curiously, the Clone Wars toyline consists of characters from the 2008 series. If that irks you, rest assured, there’s some Tartakovsky Clone Wars toys from the Lucasfilm 50th anniversary collection. Buy them here.

15 Stories Worth Reading From “Flying Saucers”

When I found this 1982 anthology in a second-hand store, I knew I had to buy it. After all, a book edited by Isaac Asimov, Martin H. Greenberg and Charles G. Waugh? How can any fan pass that up? Though you may be wondering:

“What’s a genius like Isaac Asimov doing editing an anthology about UFOs – the #1 topic skeptics love to hate?” After all aren’t they just a part of mass hysteria?

Well it all depends on the context. According to Asimov, UFOs do exist because UFO stands for unidentified flying object. They fly, they’re unidentified, and they’re objects. But as for the possibility of the object being extraterrestrials, then that’s where it’s no longer a UFO – because it’s been identified. And because science has proven that there’s no life on other planets, then Asimov’s skepticism kicks in.

But Sir Isaac never let skepticism get in the way of a good story, especially if there are twenty-five stories across different decades good enough to be compiled into one anthology. And of those twenty-five, I chose fifteen to present to you, the reader, for your consideration. They are:

“What Is This Thing Called Love?” (1961) – Isaac Asimov: An alien presents two abductees before his supervisor as experiments on human sexuality. Now if only he can get the two strangers to copulate…

“Pagan” (1955) – Algis Budrys: A crashed spaceship, a farm and an alien unlike no other.

“The Beholders” (1957) A. Bertram Chandler: Three people (two of them SF writers) encounter a UFO – and come up with different descriptions of its appearance. Also, don’t make your wife unhappy, she may board a spaceship.

“Sense of Wonder” (1958) A. Bertram Chandler: One SF author ponders if sci-fi has made humanity jaded to the point of not taking UFOs seriously when one comes along.

“Trouble With the Natives” (1951) Arthur C. Clarke: Also known as “Captain Wyxtpthll’s Flying Saucer”. Maybe aliens should retire the phrase, “Take me to your leader”…

“The Lizard of Woz” (1969) Edmund Cooper: Two things I learned from this story. 1.) Female komodo dragons are the pinnacle of reptilian beauty and 2.) komodo dragons are the dominant species.

“The Merchant” (1973) Larry Eisenberg: What happens when you merge the TZ episodes, “People Are Alike All Over” and “To Serve Man”? You get this story.

“The Mouse” (1969) Howard Fast: The saddest story on the list. I felt so sad for the titular mouse, I wanted to cry. And I don’t even like mice.

“Small Miracle” (1959) Randall Garett: Major August Cantrell, USAF, has an alien encounter in the most hilarious way.

“All the Universe In a Mason Jar” (1977) Joe Haldeman: If you give an alien moonshine, will it lead to intergalactic peace? Yes. Yes it will.

“Sam” (1970) Leo P. Kelley: Father Ryan learns that Earth isn’t the only planet with missionaries.

“Posted” (1957) Mack Reynolds: There’s a reason why Earth hasn’t been contacted by aliens yet – and it involves a time loop.

“Speak Up, Melvin!” (1982) C.C. Rossel-Waugh: I think the intro summarizes it best: Melvin…succeeds in getting away with murder only to be tongue-tied.

“The Gumdrop King” (1962) Will Stanton: This is the story of a boy, an alien, and a bag of gumdrops.

“The Painter” (1960) Thomas Burnett Swan: What inspired Hieronymus Bosch to paint The Garden of Earthly Delights? I’m not saying it was aliens, but, it was aliens.

Whether you’re a UFO enthusiast, an eyewitness to a close encounter of the first kind, or in need of another title to add to your SF library, pick up Flying Saucers – and climb aboard.

10 Stories Worth Reading From “Old Mars”

Once upon a time there was a planet called Mars, a world of red sands, canals, and endless adventure. I remember it well, for I went there often as a child.

The first paragraph to George R. R. Martin’s introduction of Old Mars. It seems like every pre-New Wave SF author went to Mars sooner, or later. From Burroughs to Zelazny, from War of the Worlds to Martian Time-Slip, the fourth planet from the sun fired the imaginations of storytellers, be they novelists, filmmakers or musicians. If we were to make a list of every novel, novella and short story set on Mars, that could take hours, maybe even days.

And then we learned, thanks to multiple Mariner probes, that the Angry Red Planet was not suitable for life, alien or otherwise.

Yet Mars has seen something of a revival in recent years. The first that comes to mind is Kim Stanley Robinson’s award-winning Mars Trilogy – Red Mars (1992), Green Mars (1993) and Blue Mars (1996). The 2008 novel In the Courts of the Crimson Kings, by S.M. Stirling, uses alternate history to imagine another universe where intelligent life is discovered on Mars. Then there was the more recent The Martian (2011) by Andy Weir, which was made into a movie starring Matt Damon.

And then in 2019, for the 50th Anniversary of the Apollo 11 Moon Landing, NASA announced the Artemis Project, with the goal of landing the first person on Mars. Think of the slogan “Occupy Mars.”

The very anthology you see before you, was published in 2013, but like it’s companion piece, Old Venus (which I reviewed previously), it’s inspired by stories of a Mars, that had watery canals, red deserts and inhabitants that resembled insects or squid. From the 15 stories in the anthology, I chose 10 that I found enjoyable and I hope you enjoy them too, if you ever get your hands (or mandibles, or tentacles) on this book.

“Martian Blood” – Allen M. Steele: An Earth scientist enlists the help of a tour guide with a very ambitious theory that may change human/Martian relations forever.

“The Ugly Duckling” – Matthew Hughes: An archaeologist discovers a Martian relic – and gets more than he bargained for.

“The Wreck of the Mars Adventure” – David D. Levine: What if Captain Kidd was hired by King William III to lead an expedition to Mars?

“In the Tombs of the Martian Kings” – Mike Resnick: Private gun-for-hire Scorpio and his telepathic buddy, Merlin, help a Martian find an ancient, sacred text in…The Tombs of the Martian Kings (note: Scorpio and Merlin’s adventures continue in the follow-up anthology, Old Venus.)

“Out of Scarlight” – Liz Williams: Disguised as a man, a former dancing girl-turned-bounty hunter searches for a fellow dancer on the deserts of Mars. But the bounty has other plans.

“The Dead Sea-Bottom Scrolls” – Howard Waldrop: A story that’s kinda confusing but is still worth reading because it’s the shortest story in the anthology. Plus it gives a shout-out to “The Martian Hop” by the Ran-Dells, so, bonus points for that.

“The Sunstone” – Phyllis Eisenstein: The Martian-born son of an Earthling archaeologist, inherits his father’s sunstone – a precious gem only worn by native Martians. And I mean only.

“King of the Cheap Romance” – Joe R. Lansdale: Angela King, must deliver a vaccine to a Martian city, no matter the cost. Even if it means life and death.

“Mariner” – Chris Roberson: Pirate Captain Jason of the Argo (no, not that Argo) must rescue a group of refugees from slavery using the Pirate’s Code. But in the end, the decision will be made with a good old fashioned duel with a rival captain.

“The Queen of the Night’s Aria” – Ian McDonald: Who’s the number one fan of a flamboyant Earth opera singer sent to Mars to entertain the troops? The answer is in the title – and the story.

I’m pleased to learn that Old Mars won the Locus Award for Best Anthology. I’m saddened to learn that there were no follow ups to Old Venus and that co-editor Gardner Dozois passed away in 2018. But oh, how great it would’ve been to see titles like Old Moon or Old Mercury, with stories that imagined thriving civilizations of yesteryear and the humans that encountered them. I could always ask Mr. Martin if there’s still a chance he could edit more anthologies…

… But Mr. Martin is not my servant.

Michael Reaves 1950-2023

RIP Michael Reaves pic.twitter.com/6GblexW9I7

— EU Commando (@EUCommando) March 22, 2023

Of all the books I ever read in the Star Wars Expanded Universe, my personal favorite, tied with Shadows of the Empire, was the 2001 novel Darth Maul – Shadow Hunter. I liked it because it was our first glimpse into the life and mind of The Phantom Menace‘s mysterious villain. It made me sympathize with Maul due to his harsh upbringing and training under Darth Sidious. It also introduced two memorable characters named Lorn Pavan – who also had something of a tragic back story – and his droid companion, I-5YQ, who would later go on to star in other SW books written by Reaves. In my junior year of high school, when I had to present a book report to my English teacher, I chose Darth Maul – Shadow Hunter.

I’ve just received heartbreaking news that Reaves died on March 20th at the age of 72 after a 15-year battle with Parkinson’s Disease.

I didn't want to be the first to announce this. But yes, Michael Reaves has passed away. I had the honour of working with him on Interworld, starting all the way back in 1996. He was brilliant and didn't deserve the physical hell he went through over the last 15 years. https://t.co/GH0nD99eZJ

— Neil Gaiman (@neilhimself) March 23, 2023

All together, Reaves wrote nine novels set mostly during the prequel era, but that wasn’t his only contribution to Star Wars. His first foray into the Galaxy Far, Far Away was the Droids episode “Tale of the Roon Comets” and two episodes of Ewoks: “The Raich” and “Hard Sell”. In fact Reaves contributed to a lot of animated television. You may remember a certain little TV show called Batman: The Animated Series. All in all, he wrote 28 episodes – among them was my favorite episode “Tyger, Tyger”, a cross between The Island of Doctor Moreau and a classic love triangle involving Catwoman. One of the reasons I like that episode is the introduction of the tragic character of Tygrus, a lonely cat-man who just wants to be loved. Although he only appears in one episode of the series, he gets a follow-up story – also written by Reaves – in the spinoff comic Batman Adventures. It’s issue 21 and it’s called “House of Dorian” in case you’re wondering.

When I tell you all that we lost an absolute talent in Michael Reaves, I want you to know that the single Batman Adventures issue he wrote had Man-Bat, Tygrus, and Olympic athlete-turned-Wolfman Anthony Romulus have a no holds barred cage match. pic.twitter.com/XuMtyBGxFZ

— Watchtower Database (@dcauwatchtower) March 23, 2023

Reaves’ list of contributions is long and unforgettable. Browse through his IMDb page and you’ll definitely recognize some titles if you grew up in the ’80s and ’90s. And even if you didn’t, you’ll still shout, “I remember that show! I didn’t know he wrote that!”

So to honor Michael Reaves, let’s take one of his books off our shelves and re-read them, or sit down and watch an episode of BTAS, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Thank you Mister Reaves. Goodnight, God bless, and May the Force Be With You.

Now, friends, tell me in the comments: what memories do you have of Michael Reaves? What are your favorite works of his?

Why You Should Buy “What If…The Book of Alternative History

When you put a well-made image of an aging J.F.K. on the cover of a 9 by 12 inch glossy magazine, sooner or later some nerd is going to buy it. Yes, this special collectors issue from the makers of All About History is so good, it’s the first magazine review on this blog.

What is Alternative (or Alternate) History and how does it connect with science fiction? The answer is found in the magazine’s intro:

History is a fascinating topic, but one aspect that really fires the imagination is asking ‘What if things had gone differently?’ So-called ‘alternative history’ has long speculated along these lines, with the Romans wondering if they could have defeated Alexander the Great as early as 27 BCE, medieval writers wishing the Crusades had been more successful, and the Victorians terrifying themselves with Napoleon’s global conquest.

In What if… The Book of Alternative History, experts consider what might have happened if key moments in time had gone differently, including the Nazis winning World War II, Abraham Lincoln surviving his assassination, the Allies losing the battle of the Atlantic, China discovering America first, and much more. Each one is complemented by astonishing artwork, photography and timelines so you can see the flashpoints where truth and fantasy diverge. We also celebrate the greatest stories inspired by alternative history, including The Man in the High Castle, The Plot Against America, SS-GB and 11/22/63.

The magazine is separated into four sections: “Royalty and Leaders”, “War & Battles”, “Fate & Circumstance” and “The Best Alt-History Fiction.” Each article features an interview or commentary by an historian or history professor and a timeline with real events and alternate events emerging from a P.O.D. (point-of-divergence).

For “Royalty and Leaders”, the table of contents are:

“What if… Attila the Hun Had Survived His Wedding Night?”

“What if… Richard II Kept Had Kept His Throne?”

“What if… Richard III Had Lived?”

“What if… Henry VIII and Catherine of Aragon Had a Son?”

“What if… Lady Jane Grey Hadn’t Been Deposed?”

“What if… Queen Elizabeth I Had Married?”

“What if… Charles I Had Won the English Civil War?”

“What if… Queen Victoria Had Been Assassinated?”

“What if… Abraham Lincoln Hadn’t Been Assassinated?”

“What if… Communism Had Failed?”

“What if… JFK Hadn’t Been Assassinated?”

“What if… Watergate Hadn’t Been Uncovered?”

The Next Section, “War & Battles” asks:

“What if… Constantinople Hadn’t Fallen to the Turks?”

“What if… The Aztecs Hadn’t Been Conquered?”

“What if… The Jacobite Rising Had Succeeded?”

“What if… The Spanish Armada Had Been Victorious?”

“What if… Britain Had Won the War of Independence?”

“What if… Napoleon Had Won the Battle of Waterloo?”

“What if… The Slave States Had Won?”

“What if… Britain and Russia Had Gone to War Over Afghanistan?”

“What if… Germany Had Won WWI?”

“What if… The Ottoman Empire Had Joined the Allies?”

“What if… The Entente Had Marched On Berlin in 1918?”

“What if… The USA Had Invaded Canada?”

“What if… Germany Had Won the Battle of Britain?”

“What if… Japan Had Not Struck Pearl Harbor?”

“What if… The Allies Had Lost the Battle of the Atlantic?”

“What if… North Korea Had Won the Korean War?”

“What if… The USA Had Won the Vietnam War?”

“What if… The Cuban Missile Crisis Had Escalated?”

Then we have “Fate & Circumstance”. The entries are:

“What if… Rome Never Fell?”

“What if… The Vikings Had Colonized North America?”

“What if… China Had Discovered America First?”

“What if… The Gunpowder Plot Had Succeeded?”

“What if… The Great Fire of London Hadn’t Happened?”

“What if… Prohibition Had Stayed In Place?”

“What if… The Nazis Had Never Gained Power?”

“What if… The Beatles Never Formed?”

“What if… The Soviets Had Won the Space Race?”

“What if… John Wayne Had Joined With George Wallace?

“What if… The Berlin Wall Never Fell?”

And last, but not least, a guide to the best titles Alternate history has to offer. Which titles make the list? Well, you just have to purchase the magazine to find out.

Now on the spine of the magazine, it says that this is the Tenth Edition. I’m curious as to the other “what ifs” previous editions explored. I know I have a few “what ifs” of my own:

What if Europeans never discovered/colonized the United States?

What if Senator Huey Long became President of the United States?

What if Dewey really did defeat Truman?

What if World War I never happened?

What if the USA had abolished slavery earlier than usual?

What if Garfield hadn’t been assassinated?

What if John Lennon hadn’t been murdered in 1980?

What if The Beatles had reunited?

What if Buddy Holly, Richie Valens and The Big Bopper decided to stay with the Winter Dance Party Tour?

What if the K-Pg asteroid never killed the dinosaurs?

What if a certain species of animal never went extinct (i.e. mammoths, dodos and thylacines)?

What if a certain technology was introduced earlier than usual (i.e. a TV in every house in the ’30s instead of ’50s)?

What if Jack the Ripper had been caught?

What if Lee Harvey Oswald went on trial?

What if George Lucas never made Star Wars?

Will these questions get answered in the eleventh edition? The possibilities are endless. As for the current edition, you can order it online from magazinesdirect.com or buy on newsstands at (or at the website of) your local Barnes & Noble.

And now I’ll leave with more alternate history images.

10 Stories Worth Reading From: “Old Venus”

Ah, Venus, the Morning/Evening Star. Once called Isis by the Egyptians, Ishtar by the Babylonians, Aphrodite by the Greeks and Venus by the Romans, storytellers looked to the 2nd planet in the Solar System and imagined Earth’s sister planet as one of swampy, humid jungles, yellow skies and saurian inhabitants. The natives of Venus came in all shapes, sizes and skin colors, but were always amphibious in origin. Sometimes Venus herself would occupy the planet ruling over beautiful, nubile all-female subjects hungry for love.

Then in 1962 a killjoy named Mariner 2 passed over Venus and revealed that the planet was a nightmare.

From the Introduction:

On December 14, 1962, the American Mariner 2 probe passed over Venus, and the readings from its microwave and infrared radio-meters were dismaying for anyone holding out hope for life on the planet’s surface, showing Venus to be much too hot to support life. These findings were later confirmed by the Soviet Venera 4 probe, and the picture they painted of Venus was very far from salubrious. In fact, far from being a planet of world-girdling oceans or vast swamps and jungles, far from being a home for mysterious alien civilizations, Venus was revealed as being one the places in the solar system that was most hostile to life: with a surface temperature averaging 863 degrees Fahrenheit, it was the hottest planet in the solar system, hotter even than the closest planet to the Sun, Mercury; the famous permanent cloud cover was composed of clouds of sulfuric acid, not water vapor; the atmosphere was composed of 96.5 percent carbon dioxide, and the atmospheric pressure at the planet’s surface was ninety-two times that of Earth, as severe as on the bottom of the Earth’s oceans.

There couldn’t possibly be any life on Venus…It was just a ball of baking-hot rock and scalding poisonous gas, duller than a supermarket parking lot.

Almost at once, science-fiction writers lost interest.

Instead, writers turned to inner space, the Space Race and the social turbulence of the mid-to-late sixties for inspiration and New Wave was born. If any writer was going to write about life on other planets, he or she turned to planets outside the solar system – or just made up new planets on the spot like Arrakis, Vulcan or Tatooine.

But then in 2015, George R. R. Martin and Gardner Dozois got together with some friends and decided to publish an anthology that would bring readers back to the days of C.S. Lewis, C.L. Moore, Edgar Rice Burroughs and Leigh Brackett, when Venus was a fertile backdrop for adventure and romance. Of the sixteen stories in Old Venus, I chose ten that stood out to me. They are:

“Frogheads” – Allen M. Steele: A private detective stationed on Venus searches for the missing son of a wealthy family – and discovers something more sinister. There are quite a few “Venus detective” stories reminiscent of Raymond Chandler in this anthology.

“Planet of Fear” – Paul McAuley: There is a monster running amok in a Russian-owned mining station on Venus – or is it? (Another common trait in this anthology is American-Russian relations.)

“Greeves and the Evening Star” – Matthew Hughes: This story harkens back to the Edisonades of the 19th and early 20th centuries, where a gregarious Englishman (“right ho!”) and his faithful Butler, Greeves, must travel to Venus to rescue a fellow colleague from his newt obsession.

“Living Hell” – Joe Haldeman: A pilot returns to Venus on a rescue mission and learns that on Venus, death is only temporary…

“Bones of Air, Bones of Stone” – Stephen Leigh: Not even the natives of Venus dare to explore the “Great Darkness”, which is why Tomio, despite his feelings for Avariel, refuses to join her in her one last attempt at exploring the region.

“Ruins” – Eleanor Arnason: A professional photographer explores the ancient ruins of a Venusian city for an issue of National Geographic.

“Pale Blue Memories” – Tobias S. Buckell: Some things never change, not even on Venus, as an American soldier with black heritage learns the hard way.

“The Heart’s Filthy Lesson” – Elizabeth Bear: The heart wants what it wants, which can prove to be deadly on Venus, even in the name of science.

“The Wizard of the Trees” – Joe R. Lansdale: In the spirit of Burroughs, a man is transported from certain death in 1912 to a deadly battle on Venus. Will he survive?

“The Godstone of Venus” – Mike Resnick: Another detective story, in this one the detective has a telepathic alien partner. They are hired as “escorts” to a man and mysterious woman, who are looking for the titular Godstone of Venus. What powers does it hold? Does it even exist? Or is it a trap for our protagonists?

So that was ten stories worth reading from Old Venus. Have you read this book? Did you enjoy reading it? Did you agree with my choices? What were some of your favorite stories from the anthology? Let me know in the comments and stay tuned for the next installment of…Solar System Sci-Fi.

The Razzies Must Be Crazy

This is Ryan Kiera Armstrong, the titular protagonist of Firestarter, another adaptation of Stephen King’s story about a girl with pyrokinetic abilities.

This year, the Razzies, the snarky antithesis to the Oscars, nominated the twelve-year-old for “Worst Actress” in the “remake”, prompting a backlash so severe, the Razzies issued an apology, removed her from the ballot, and announced that from now on, there would be an age limit to nominations.

But there are many that feel that it’s too little, too late for that, because the Razzies have a history of nominating child actors for “bad” performances. I think you know who comes to mind:

The Razzies nominating a 12 year old shows they haven't learned from the abuse Jake Lloyd got after Phantom Menace.

— Jamie Loves Screens 🍿 🎬 📺 (@JayLovesScreens) January 24, 2023

Where we’re they when young jake Lloyd got nominated back in 1999 for his Portrayal as young Anakin in Star Wars:episode 1. The critics bullied him so badly that he quit acting in 02 and destroyed all his Star Wars memorabilia #RazzieAwards #universal https://t.co/PjynHeRBZ6

— SIR YOUNG94 (@YoungDyl1994) January 25, 2023

Look, the Firestarter remake wasn't great…but to blame #RyanKieraArmstrong for the bad performace is giving me PTSD with what happened to Jake Lloyd. You could blame the screenplay for the lines written, or the director who pushed the performance a certain way. https://t.co/k9vp5iIKuJ

— Lake Morris (@Lake_MoRR1s) January 24, 2023

Guys. The Razzies played a HUGE part in Jake Lloyd's mental health struggles. If you're going to hold their feet to the fire, make them recognize their history too. #Razzies2023

— Jentendo (@JenandJude) January 25, 2023

Maybe they need to apologise to Jake Lloyd as well. https://t.co/b547AmRp7v

— Thomas Stansfield (@NWTom25) January 26, 2023

https://twitter.com/smkrm5/status/1618361620870336512

We also gonna do this for Brooke Shields, Macaulay Culkin, Jake Lloyd, Hilary Duff, Nathalia Ramos, Miley Cyrus, Jaeden Smith, and Maddie Ziegler? Or just the one we got caught for? https://t.co/Vhte9ZtIVS

— Chris (@rantaclaus97) January 25, 2023

I'm sure the whole movement from Film Twitter of denouncing the Razzies for nominating a child would mean a lot more if I didn't know deep down that these were the same people who bullied Jake Lloyd for years for the crime of being the kid from The Phantom Menace.

— MST3K, RiffTrax, & My Cinema Playground (& Clara) (@1godzillafan) January 25, 2023

(X)

https://twitter.com/GGMcAllen1138/status/1617695859403288576

The fact that the Razzies nominated an actual child for Worst Actress is absolutely nothing new. Jake Lloyd was nominated for Worst Supporting Actor back in '99 for The Phantom Menace.

You'd think 20+ years would be enough time for them to realize that's bad, but NOPE!

— Jazzy Oliver – Voice Actress (@LadyJazzington) January 24, 2023

https://twitter.com/R0sieFilm/status/1619047581677670400

It makes me happy to see the people are coming to Lloyd’s defense after all the crap he’s put up with for 23 years – I just wish society had done this immediately after TPM came out (the only one who did was former child star Ron Howard) but those of us who loved the prequels had to contend with bullying ourselves. Anyway, Lloyd isn’t the only child actor who got a Razzie nomination. Here are some other underage nominees.

Gary Coleman for On the Right Track (1981) – Coleman was 13 at the time.

Macaulay Culkin for three movies in 1994 – Getting Even With Dad, The Pagemaster and Richie Rich. Macaulay was 14 at the time. It was revealed later that Culkin’s domineering, abusive father, Kit, was forcing him to take roles he didn’t want and after those box office failures, he took a break from acting to lead a more normal life. The Razzies need to consider this.

Jaden Smith for After Earth (2013). Jaden was 15 at the time and won the Razzie for the role.

Brooke Shields for The Blue Lagoon (1980). Ah, where do we begin with this one. This is a film, Ms. Shields denounces to this day, for being exploitative of two teenagers. She was 14 at the time, when she was cast as a marooned girl who starts a romance with her cousin – played by Christopher Atkins, who was 18 at the time – on a deserted island. Most of Brooke’s sex scenes were filmed with a sex double and her topless scenes were filmed with her hair glued to her breasts. That’s not the only hell she went through during filming. If the Razzies knew about this, would they have thought twice about giving her the award for Worst Actress?

Apparently not, because the next year, 15-year-old Shields would be nominated again for Endless Love, a film directed by Franco Zeffirelli (of Romeo and Juliet fame) about a passionate romance between two teenagers. Zeffirelli had to cut a lot of love scenes between Shields and her co-star, Martin Hewitt (who was 23!!!), and submitted it five times to the MPAA to lower its rating from an X to an R. If this film had been released today, Zeffirelli would be accused of child porn.

C’mon Razzies, cut the girl a break!

Hilary Duff (17) for A Cinderella Story and Raise Your Voice (2004).

Mara Hobel was 10 when she was cast as a young Christina Crawford in Mommie Dearest (1981), the infamous Joan Crawford biopic. I don’t know about you, but when I saw the film for the first time on TV, I found it painful to watch due to its spot-on portrayal of child abuse. How anyone (looking at you drag queens) can see this film as “camp” or “so bad it’s good”, is a mystery to me.

Aileen Quinn was 11 when she “won” the Razzie for Worst Actress for playing the titular heroine of Annie.

Razzie Films That Went On to Become Classics

Another problem with the Razzies is they dump on the latest “bad” film, only to look like fools when that film is later reevaluated as a classic. Here’s some nominees (and winners) that’ll make you go “SAY WHHHAAAATTT!”

1980 – Xanadu and Friday the 13th

1981 – Heaven’s Gate (now part of The Criterion Collection)

1982 – Annie

1987 – Ishtar

1992 – The Bodyguard and Newsies (now a Broadway Musical)

1997 – Batman & Robin

1999 – Star Wars: Episode 1 – The Phantom Menace and The Blair Witch Project

2002 – Star Wars: Episode 2 – Attack of the Clones

2016 – Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice

Yes, there are many bad movies out there, some that deserve to be torn to bits by society. But art is subjective and what may be a bad film to one person or demographic, may be entertaining (and even relevant) to another. Heck, there are Oscar winning films I think deserve Razzies. The Golden Raspberry Awards isn’t going away, but as more actors and directors step forward with revelations of on-set abuse, or mental illness, perhaps it’s time to retire The Razzies for good.

I Have No Interest In Seeing “Avatar: The Way of Water” (And It’s Not For the Reasons You Think)

Thirteen years ago, no one expected lightning to strike twice for James Cameron. His 1997 film, Titanic, still held the crown for the highest grossing film of all time. Speculation ran rampant as to which film would steal that crown. No one would ever guess that in 2009, a photo realistic CGI film about blue-skinned feline aliens would bring audiences back to theaters again and again, making Avatar the highest-grossing film of all time.*

When I saw the trailer for Avatar for the first time, I knew this was the first James Cameron film I would like. I must admit I never was a fan of his work because I never liked the way he wrote his characters and so I never cared what happened to them. But judging from the world of Pandora depicted in the trailer, I thought: “we haven’t had any major world-building SF films since Star Wars. We need more of this.” Sadly I did not see the film in theaters, as I was working full-time and couldn’t get a day off (I prefer to go to the theaters on weekdays to avoid crowds), but when it was finally available on DVD, I rented it and fell absolutely in love with the plot, characters, score and of course, the scenery. And towards the end, when the Na’avi seem to be losing to the colonists, and Eywa, Goddess of the Na’avi comes to the rescue, I could see why this movie went over so well.

Avatar is the most visually beautiful sci-fi film since The Phantom Menace.

So of course, like The Phantom Menace, the film was hit with a backlash once the hype died down. Detractors called it “Dances With Wolves In Space (or Pocahontas in Space)”, “ableist”, a “white savior narrative” and “unoriginal”. Lazy film criticism if there ever was one. You might as well accuse Star Wars of ripping off Dune.^ Nevertheless, a sequel was inevitable and so here we are in 2022, finally getting that long-awaited follow-up.

So why am I uninterested in seeing this film?

Because back in 2009, the world was a different place. Avatar was distributed by 20th Century Fox, an independent studio that gave us classics like Star Wars, The Day the Earth Stood Still, Alien, Planet of the Apes, Invaders From Mars, The Fly, Fantastic Voyage, Predator and Alita: Battle Angel. Since its founding in 1935, Fox was one of the “Big Six” major American film studios. Not only did they produce films like the aformentioned titles. It was also home to icons such as Marilyn Monroe, Shirley Temple and Jane Mansfield. With their subsidiary, Searchlight Pictures, Fox gave audiences a chance to see independent films (many of them award-winners) like Bend It Like Beckham and Napoleon Dynamite (and the Hess’ other film Gentlemen Broncos). With their other subsidiary, Fox 2000, they gave audiences films like Hidden Figures and Fight Club. Then in 2019, the all-conquering Walt Disney Studios purchased Fox, changed its name to 20th Century Studios (so as to distance themselves from Fox News) and now every film produced from here on out, is technically a Disney movie. Every film Fox made, is now a Disney property. Let that sink in. Avatar: The Way of Water is technically a Disney film now. Something feels off to me. To quote Grace Jones: “I just could not find a soul.”

I don’t know how much creative control Disney will have on the next Avatar sequels, but I’m not going to stick around and find out.

I’ll just stick with the first film instead. Thank E’ywa I own a DVD copy with the classic Fox logo attached.

And if you keep calling it “Pocahontas in Space”, then you need to learn how to watch movies.

*Yes, we all know that Avengers: Endgame replaced Avatar as the highest-grossing film of all time. Then the next year, Avatar, got its crown (despite COVID) back thanks to repeated showings in China and Marvel critics could only smirk. Avatar did not need 22 preceeding films or unlimited showtimes to become the highest-grossing film. Maybe this is why Disney bought Fox – to absorb the studio’s earnings in revenge.

^Oh wait. People have. It just never stuck.